Thursday, 18 February 2016

The 15 Worst Films of 2015

Julien Faddoul

Welcome to the bottom of the barrel of 2015. Of all the films I sat through in this past year, these were the 15 worst. Each film is accompanied by a link to my original review.

Enjoy, but please under no circumstances see these movies if you haven’t already.

15. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip

I called this film in my review a punishment no kid deserves no matter how insubordinate. Judging by a drop in box office numbers, this should hopefully be the last one.

14. Miss You Already

Truly insufferable breast cancer movie with some of the hammiest, least-convincing performances of the year by Barrymore and Collette. I still find Catherine Hardwicke's success as a director to be completely baffling.

13. Kingsman: The Secret Service

Ditto for Matthew Vaughn who truly is a hack and half. This film went on to gross more $400 million worldwide and many of its fans tried to explain their love through psychoanalytical bullshit. The movie is garbage.

12. The Last Five Years

A film no one saw and with good reason. All it did was heighten the intellectual fallacy of its source material.

11. Chappie

An absolute slog. Not only does Blomkamp struggle with coherency, but also at the basic task of holding one's attention.

10. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

One of those slapstick "comedies" that is less funny than any 2 minute YouTube clip of someone getting hit in the face.

9. Pixels

A soul-sucking ordeal. Its offensiveness comes in the form of both lazy/mean jokes and a reliance on 80's nostalgia.

8. Fantastic 4

The year's most infamous fiasco, taking a loss of $90 million. I'd go lighter on it if I didn't live with the reminiscence of having sat through it.

7. Hot Pursuit

Loud and brain-dead. I contemplated a lifestyle change during my review of this one.

6. Get Hard

Disgustingly narrow-minded comedy that makes only one joke over and over and over again.

5. Trainwreck

Some will dispute this. A film that was beloved by many that I found to be a complete con-job and a horribly offensive one. It's the worst kind of film: One that takes on an agenda as its emblem (feminism, in this case) and uses a mixture of fawning at educated liberals and judgment of the uncultivated and expects its audience to follow its viewpoint around like dogs for fear of feeling stupid.

4. Vacation

The year's worst and most unnecessary remake. Scatology, vomit and Ed Helms is not a good combination people.

3. No Escape

The year's most xenophobic film. Its depiction and treatment of Southeast Asians was for me the single most uncomfortable portraiture to sit through in a year that also included Black or White and The Water Diviner.

2. Pan

Although I have placed this at number 2, this was actually the year's most unbearable experience. Every single aspect of this film is misguided and oppressive, with its hideous aesthetic, obnoxious performances, raucous music and complete lack of reason for existing. Its once intelligent director now lives completely inside his own asshole.

1. Entourage

You know, there was a time back in the early 2000s when people derided and stayed away from movies based on TV shows, like The Real Cancun or The Dukes of Hazzard. Why pay for something you can watch for free, right? It's what 21 Jump Street mocked so well.

But now in the era where cinema and television feel so blurred to some, people have come to expect them no matter how bad they are, like Sex and the City or The Last Airbender or this moronic, putrid piece of sewage. Luckily, audiences stayed away and I hope Hollywood learns a valuable lesson.

Dishonorable Mentions

Absolutely Anything
Black or White
The Cobbler
Daddy's Home
Digging for Fire
Hot Tub Time Machine 2
Jupiter Ascending
Live from New York
Pitch Perfect 2
The Ridiculous 6
Ruben Guthrie
Seventh Son
Taken 3
Unfinished Business
The Water Diviner

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