Crisp Criticism - "13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi", "Gods of Egypt", "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies"

by

Julien Faddoul

13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi

An American Ambassador is killed during an attack at a U.S. compound in Libya as a security team struggles to make sense out of the chaos.

A Bay movie stem to stern: American flags flapping in the breeze, muscly men huffing and puffing, and irresponsible amounts of Magic Hour photography that don’t make any seasonal sense. This film is obviously designed as a dog whistle for the conservative agenda in an election year, though many critics have tried to invalidate this through psychoanalytical nonsense that I remain unconvinced by. In the end, none of that is really relevant anyway. The fact that the film is a dull mess with unintelligible action interspersed with maudlin sequences of soldiers Skyping with their wife and kids is more atrocious than anything.

d – Michael Bay

w – Chuck Hogan   (Based on the Book by Mitchell Zuckoff)

ph – Dion Beebe

pd – Jeffrey Beecroft

m – Lorne Balfe

ed – Pietro Scalia, Calvin Wimmer 

cos – Deborah Lynn Scott

p – Michael Bay, Erwin Stoff

Cast: Pablo Schreiber, John Krasinski, David Denman, Toby Stephens, Max Martini, James Badge Dale, David Costabile, Elektra Anastasi, Alexia Barlier, Liisa Evastina, Dominic Fumusa, Demetrius Grosse, Steffi Thake, Kerim Troeller, Kenny Sheard

Gods of Egypt

A common thief joins a mythical god on a quest through Egypt.

Absolutely ridiculous and cartoony spiritual epic filled with cheesy special effects. Dopey as all hell.

d – Alex Proyas

w – Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless

ph – Peter Menzies Jr.

pd – Owen Paterson

m – Marco Beltrami

ed – Richard Learoyd

cos – Liz Keogh

p – Basil Iwanyk, Alex Proyas

Cast: Gerard Butler, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Brenton Thwaites, Geoffrey Rush, Elodie Yung, Courtney Eaton, Chadwick Boseman, Rufus Sewell, Abbey Lee, Bryan Brown, Bruce Spence, Emma Booth, Alexander England

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

…It’s literally Pride and Prejudice with Zombies.

As intellectually offensive as the book it’s based on. The fact that this as a work of literature has made it as far as a work of cinema is something that asseverates a supreme low-point in our culture.

wd – Burr Steers   (Based on the Novel by Seth Grahame-Smith, Jane Austen)

ph – Remi Adefarasin

pd – David Warren

m – Fernando Velázquez

ed – Padraic McKinley 

cos – Julian Day

p – Sean McKittrick, Natalie Portman, Allison Shearmur, Annette Savitch, Marc Butan, Aleen Keshishian, Edward Hamm Jr.

Cast: Lily James, Jack Huston, Matt Smith, Douglas Booth, Sam Riley, Bella Heathcote, Suki Waterhouse, Emma Greenwell, Charles Dance, Lena Headey